Here's some thoughts I typed out for the lifeGroup leaders for the Nehemiah Sermon Series early on in the book of Nehemiah...
When it comes to teaching through the lifeGroup, I usually try (and often don't succeed) to stick with one main theme for the homework, so let’s look at the different sections and see what might stick out for your group.
Under “My Story,” Jeremy talked about having “the papers,” which was sort of Nehemiah’s validation. I think in my group I’m going to spend some time in this topic because I think validation has a huge part in our life. Our motive, performance, and expectations of others rely a lot on validation. There is a lot of healthy and unhealthy validation that goes on in our lives.
For my group, which is a group of youngish marrieds, mostly with little kids, I’m going to challenge them to think about what brings validation for themselves and their spouses. I know for this affinity, the wives are greatly validated and feel appreciated when the husband comes home from work and doesn’t just turn the game on, but helps out with kids (on his own volition), helps cook dinner, takes out the trash, etc. It lets her know that what she does all day (again, this is for youngish marrieds where most of our moms stay at home with the kids) is appreciated and held in high esteem.
On the flipside, the men want to be respected and trusted and believed in, and for us, this validation comes through seeing that trust live out, be it in finances, decisions, leadership, future plans, etc…you know…man stuff. Additionally, and I’m gonna get a little real here, I know we throw men and their desire for sex in one clump of “man needs” that we joke about as being strictly fleshly desires; but I know for the men I have talked to, sex is a huge validation for them because that in itself often times shows that trust and respect from their wife. It, in a sense, says to the husbands “you are doing your job leading me, taking care of me, and loving me, and THAT is why I am attracted to you.”
So…my answer for men who complain about their wives seemingly making “excuses” for denying intimate times? Next time, I tell them, pay attention when she “complains” about you making excuses when she needs help around the house. She needs to be appreciated and validated and respected, however that looks.
Did I just throw the men under the bus? No way. Because I know that if the men start to man up and stop making their own excuses when it comes to helping around the house and with kids (even when they are tired from a long day of work), EVERYTHING improves…quality time, family time, future planning, parenting, arguing time is cut down, trust increases, respect is earned, intimacy life is improved…everyone wins.
Now the thing we have to watch for is when we are only getting validation from people, and when that is our motive. when I serve my wife, I don't, or at least really try not to serve her to “get” something, whether it’s an “okay” to go out with the fellas, permission to watch the game when we would normally hang out as a couple, permission to buy some sweet new piece of music gear, or even if it’s something like respect, trust, or even sex. My motive, hopefully, is to serve because I love her and don’t expect anything back. This is a challenge as humans, but when we can do that, the reward is far greater. Service should never be used as a weapon or a motive for validation.
Next under “digging deeper,” Jeremy talks about Peter walking on water…God gave Peter the vision and plan (“come out here!”), but it took Peter to TRUST God to actually move forward.
I like to think about Moses in this regard, like we talked about last week. Moses was given a vision and plan from God, but he wouldn’t trust God in it. He had 5 basic excuses, and God answered each one with a rebuttal. During the discourse, God asks Moses, “what do you have in your hand?” He was referring to the staff Moses had, but it also referred to the fact that Moses had everything he needed to fulfill God’s plan; if Moses actually trusted God, he could take something simple like a staff and turn it into a serpent, something Moses could never do on his own. As we look at our “simple” talents, treasures, experiences…instead of seeing them as trite, inanimate objects, we need to see them as having the potential to being transformed into something much greater, which in Moses’ case was a serpent.
Also, when I think of with Peter being out in the water i think about how we often, like him, start off with a bang like he did and end up, pardon the expression, Petering out (ha..sorry, just had to). I think about the story in the word about the builder counting the cost. You see, we don’t want to be the boy who cried wolf. We want our yes to be yes and our no to be no as the word of God says. So, before you make big claims or promises, think twice, sleep on it, bring it before the Lord, count the cost, and only do what you know you can do.
Lastly, on the back, I love this scripture about worry, because I am, by nature, a worrier. One thing I like to throw out to give a perspective to people is the very nature of worry. Worry is something we typically do in silence, in our minds, a form of meditation where we think of the day’s or future’s events and we ponder them to try to figure out a solution. And now looking at prayer…
With prayer, we typically do it in silence, in our minds, a form of meditation where we think of the day’s or future’s events and we ponder them…sound familiar? But here’s where it changes…we ponder them to let GOD figure out a solution, not US.
The point? I say that worry is a form of prayer, but it is prayer to ourselves. It’s making us god…praying (or meditating) to ourselves so that WE can figure things out and answer our own prayer (worry). You could spend the SAME amount of time and energy praying as you would worrying, but the results are night and day (and one less ulcer and few less gray hairs). You go from worshipping yourself to worshipping God. It’s good stuff.
Hope any of this helped…I'd like to hear feedback from you all about your groups, how they are going, who is coming, how the sermon based groups are going, etc.
Until next time, have a great lifeGroup this week, and have fun!
God bless you all.
When it comes to teaching through the lifeGroup, I usually try (and often don't succeed) to stick with one main theme for the homework, so let’s look at the different sections and see what might stick out for your group.
Under “My Story,” Jeremy talked about having “the papers,” which was sort of Nehemiah’s validation. I think in my group I’m going to spend some time in this topic because I think validation has a huge part in our life. Our motive, performance, and expectations of others rely a lot on validation. There is a lot of healthy and unhealthy validation that goes on in our lives.
For my group, which is a group of youngish marrieds, mostly with little kids, I’m going to challenge them to think about what brings validation for themselves and their spouses. I know for this affinity, the wives are greatly validated and feel appreciated when the husband comes home from work and doesn’t just turn the game on, but helps out with kids (on his own volition), helps cook dinner, takes out the trash, etc. It lets her know that what she does all day (again, this is for youngish marrieds where most of our moms stay at home with the kids) is appreciated and held in high esteem.
On the flipside, the men want to be respected and trusted and believed in, and for us, this validation comes through seeing that trust live out, be it in finances, decisions, leadership, future plans, etc…you know…man stuff. Additionally, and I’m gonna get a little real here, I know we throw men and their desire for sex in one clump of “man needs” that we joke about as being strictly fleshly desires; but I know for the men I have talked to, sex is a huge validation for them because that in itself often times shows that trust and respect from their wife. It, in a sense, says to the husbands “you are doing your job leading me, taking care of me, and loving me, and THAT is why I am attracted to you.”
So…my answer for men who complain about their wives seemingly making “excuses” for denying intimate times? Next time, I tell them, pay attention when she “complains” about you making excuses when she needs help around the house. She needs to be appreciated and validated and respected, however that looks.
Did I just throw the men under the bus? No way. Because I know that if the men start to man up and stop making their own excuses when it comes to helping around the house and with kids (even when they are tired from a long day of work), EVERYTHING improves…quality time, family time, future planning, parenting, arguing time is cut down, trust increases, respect is earned, intimacy life is improved…everyone wins.
Now the thing we have to watch for is when we are only getting validation from people, and when that is our motive. when I serve my wife, I don't, or at least really try not to serve her to “get” something, whether it’s an “okay” to go out with the fellas, permission to watch the game when we would normally hang out as a couple, permission to buy some sweet new piece of music gear, or even if it’s something like respect, trust, or even sex. My motive, hopefully, is to serve because I love her and don’t expect anything back. This is a challenge as humans, but when we can do that, the reward is far greater. Service should never be used as a weapon or a motive for validation.
Next under “digging deeper,” Jeremy talks about Peter walking on water…God gave Peter the vision and plan (“come out here!”), but it took Peter to TRUST God to actually move forward.
I like to think about Moses in this regard, like we talked about last week. Moses was given a vision and plan from God, but he wouldn’t trust God in it. He had 5 basic excuses, and God answered each one with a rebuttal. During the discourse, God asks Moses, “what do you have in your hand?” He was referring to the staff Moses had, but it also referred to the fact that Moses had everything he needed to fulfill God’s plan; if Moses actually trusted God, he could take something simple like a staff and turn it into a serpent, something Moses could never do on his own. As we look at our “simple” talents, treasures, experiences…instead of seeing them as trite, inanimate objects, we need to see them as having the potential to being transformed into something much greater, which in Moses’ case was a serpent.
Also, when I think of with Peter being out in the water i think about how we often, like him, start off with a bang like he did and end up, pardon the expression, Petering out (ha..sorry, just had to). I think about the story in the word about the builder counting the cost. You see, we don’t want to be the boy who cried wolf. We want our yes to be yes and our no to be no as the word of God says. So, before you make big claims or promises, think twice, sleep on it, bring it before the Lord, count the cost, and only do what you know you can do.
Lastly, on the back, I love this scripture about worry, because I am, by nature, a worrier. One thing I like to throw out to give a perspective to people is the very nature of worry. Worry is something we typically do in silence, in our minds, a form of meditation where we think of the day’s or future’s events and we ponder them to try to figure out a solution. And now looking at prayer…
With prayer, we typically do it in silence, in our minds, a form of meditation where we think of the day’s or future’s events and we ponder them…sound familiar? But here’s where it changes…we ponder them to let GOD figure out a solution, not US.
The point? I say that worry is a form of prayer, but it is prayer to ourselves. It’s making us god…praying (or meditating) to ourselves so that WE can figure things out and answer our own prayer (worry). You could spend the SAME amount of time and energy praying as you would worrying, but the results are night and day (and one less ulcer and few less gray hairs). You go from worshipping yourself to worshipping God. It’s good stuff.
Hope any of this helped…I'd like to hear feedback from you all about your groups, how they are going, who is coming, how the sermon based groups are going, etc.
Until next time, have a great lifeGroup this week, and have fun!
God bless you all.
